Humor
Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers.
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem. They give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song. They give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?
Artie said, " I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Merle said: , "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives."
Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
At a picnic for a Catholic school, the Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please - God is watching."
On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies, on which a second grade student had placed a sign on saying, "Take all the cookies you want -- God is watching the apples."
A preacher's little boy inquired, "Daddy, I notice every Sunday morning when you first come out to preach, you sit up on the platform and bow your head. What are you doing?"
The father explained, "I'm asking the Lord to give me a good sermon."
The little boy said, "Then why doesn't he?"
Setting: A small rural community, so small, in fact, the only church in town is a small Baptist church whose pastor must also double up as the local barber to make ends meet.
There happened to be a man in this small community who had invested wisely and was enjoying his newfound comfort.
This man got out of bed one day to go through his daily routine. He looked into the mirror as he was about to shave and decided, "I make enough money now, I don't have to shave myself. I'll go down to the barber and let him shave me from now on." So he did.
He walked into the barber shop and found the preacher/barber was out calling on the shut-ins.
His wife, Grace, said "I usually do the shaves anyway ... sit down and I'll shave you." So he did.
She shaved him and he asked, "How much do I owe you?" "$25," Grace replied.
The man thought that was somewhat expensive and that he may have to get a shave every other day. Nonetheless, he paid Grace and went on his way.
The next day, he woke up and found his face to be just as smooth as the day before. No need for a shave today, he thought, well, it was a $25 shave.
The next day he awoke to find his face as smooth as the day before. Wow! he thought. That's amazing, as he normally would need to shave daily to keep his clean-shaven business look.
Day 3, he woke up and his face was still as smooth as the minute after Grace had finished. Now, somewhat perplexed, the man went down to the barber shop to ask some questions.
This particular day the pastor was in and the man asked him why his face was as smooth as it was the first day it was shaven.
The kind old pastor gently retorted, "Friend, you were shaved by Grace ... and once shaved, always shaved."
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem. They give him $50."
The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song. They give him $100."
The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon, and it takes eight people to collect all the money!"
Three friends from the local congregation were asked, "When you're in your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you, what would you like them to say?
Artie said, " I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Merle said: , "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher and servant of God who made a huge difference in peoples lives."
Don said, "I'd like them to say, 'Look! He's moving!'"
At a picnic for a Catholic school, the Mother Superior stacked a pile of apples on one end of a table with a sign saying, "Take only one apple please - God is watching."
On the other end of the table was a pile of cookies, on which a second grade student had placed a sign on saying, "Take all the cookies you want -- God is watching the apples."
A preacher's little boy inquired, "Daddy, I notice every Sunday morning when you first come out to preach, you sit up on the platform and bow your head. What are you doing?"
The father explained, "I'm asking the Lord to give me a good sermon."
The little boy said, "Then why doesn't he?"
Setting: A small rural community, so small, in fact, the only church in town is a small Baptist church whose pastor must also double up as the local barber to make ends meet.
There happened to be a man in this small community who had invested wisely and was enjoying his newfound comfort.
This man got out of bed one day to go through his daily routine. He looked into the mirror as he was about to shave and decided, "I make enough money now, I don't have to shave myself. I'll go down to the barber and let him shave me from now on." So he did.
He walked into the barber shop and found the preacher/barber was out calling on the shut-ins.
His wife, Grace, said "I usually do the shaves anyway ... sit down and I'll shave you." So he did.
She shaved him and he asked, "How much do I owe you?" "$25," Grace replied.
The man thought that was somewhat expensive and that he may have to get a shave every other day. Nonetheless, he paid Grace and went on his way.
The next day, he woke up and found his face to be just as smooth as the day before. No need for a shave today, he thought, well, it was a $25 shave.
The next day he awoke to find his face as smooth as the day before. Wow! he thought. That's amazing, as he normally would need to shave daily to keep his clean-shaven business look.
Day 3, he woke up and his face was still as smooth as the minute after Grace had finished. Now, somewhat perplexed, the man went down to the barber shop to ask some questions.
This particular day the pastor was in and the man asked him why his face was as smooth as it was the first day it was shaven.
The kind old pastor gently retorted, "Friend, you were shaved by Grace ... and once shaved, always shaved."
